Thank You For Whatever Happens
I don't know how this works but please make the best outcome for this child. I promise you I will become a better Christian and do my best to live my life through you. I know you don't bargain, I don't think anyway, but if there's any sign I can get to what I need to do, please let me know. My alcohol is a problem and want help taking care of that. I know I have to do it. Please bless their child to make it out strong and healthy. This is motivation for me to make all the changes I know I need to make. Thank you for whatever happens. I know it is part of Your plan.
This is a letter that my brother had written a couple years before he died when my older brother's wife was pregnant with their third child, who is now almost three. My sister-n-law was having problems throughout her pregnancy and was told there was a risk of losing the baby well into her pregnancy. My older brother, Matthew, found this letter in Will's wallet the night he passed away. It was folded up in a small square and tucked away. To us, finding this prayer was a message from Will letting us know he was okay. We had been through the worst day of our lives and we knew the days to come were only going to be harder as the reality set in that Will was gone. This prayer was the reassurance we needed that night that let us know Will was in Heaven.
As I have said before, I went from a distant relationship with God to a somewhat hostile one on my part when Will died. I did believe that God had a plan, and I was okay with that plan as long as it coincided with my plan. Well, I know now, that isn't quite how it works. Do you have any idea of how difficult it is to go against God's blueprint for your life? Well, I was doing it in every aspect of my life and it was anything but a success. It wasn't until I was introduced to the 12 steps that I began to understand what God's will meant. When Will died, and prior to my recovery, I was angry with God for taking Will. I thought, if this is part of His plan then I didn't want to be a part of anything else He had laid out. This may be the most miserable way a person can live. Today, while I may not understand bad things that happen in life, I trust and am thankful for God's plan. I didn't have this understanding when Will died and it made grieving an even more miserable process. When someone would tell me to "Let Go, Let God," or to "trust God's will," I would honestly want to punch them. Ironically, I now pray daily for the knowledge and power to live in such a manner.
My favorite part of this letter is, "Thank you for whatever happens. I know it is part of Your plan." Will was thanking God and trusting that good or bad, it was part of His plan. He was thanking Him before he even knew the outcome. I had never thanked God for something I didn't want or didn't understand. Will was blindly trusting God and His will for the baby, no matter what the outcome. I admired that. I admired him asking God for help with his addiction. I admired everything he wrote in the letter...so much so, I got it tattooed on my side. Knowing that my brother knew he had a problem and wanted help broke my heart and yet I was doing the exact same thing. Will's death was the motivation for me to make all the changes I knew I needed to make. And I know that was part of God's plan.
Missing Will is an understatement. We miss him more than words can describe. But we know that he is far better off than any of us here on earth. I like to ask my 5 nephews what they think Uncle Will is doing sometimes. He's usually playing baseball with Babe Ruth, or fishing with Jesus. He hits a lot of homeruns according to one of them. Now, honestly, does it get any better than that? #foreveryoung