Mom, I am Amazed By You
I don't have to be a mother myself to know that a mother's love is unique and different from any other love. A mother's love is absolute. It is without limitations or conditions. God knew exactly what he was doing when he made my mom a mother of four. She was made to be a mom. She excels as a mom and always has. She makes it look effortless...and believe me, I know it has been far from effortless on her part over the past 35 years.
I'm not sure how my brothers and sister and I got so lucky to be chosen to be her kids, but I am beyond grateful we did. She simply amazes me.
I remember when I was little, I would get these horrible ear infections all the time and be in so much pain. She would always tell me that she wished she could switch places with me and take my pain so I didn't have to. I remember when I was devastated and heartbroken from my first real breakup in college, she said the same thing. And last year when my little brother passed away, I overheard her talking in the kitchen to a friend of hers the day after he died and told her that it was killing her to see my siblings and I so broken. That she wished she could take away our pain...that there was something to do to make us not hurt. What I never really realized until then, was that even though it wasn't her pain, she still took it on as her own. Every ear ache, upset stomach, flu, cut, scrape, broken bone...every ache and pain we ever have...she experiences right along with us. Every fear, anxiety, worry, burden, and sadness...she feels. As grown adults, our Mother still feels our pain and wants nothing more than for it to go away. On the positive side, her happiness and joy is multiplied by that of her children. My mom can recall moments from our childhood and tell us exactly how something made us feel. She remembers all these things that I often forget or don't even remember, because the way it made me or my siblings feel is exactly how it made her feel. Good or bad...she shared our pain and she shared our happiness.
My entire life, her wants, needs and desires have come second to her children's. She's the mom that if there were 4 pieces of pie left, she would all the sudden claim that she never really like pie, anyway, so me and my siblings wouldn't feel bad for eating them. The older I get, I realize all the selfless sacrifices she has made over the years...and I am not just referring to pie. She simply amazes me.
My mom recently sent me a random text message that said, " I can't tell you how proud I am of you and how very thankful I am for your recovery. I love you so much! Best Mother's Day present!" I responded back saying thanks and sorry for the hell I put her and my dad through...that their support meant the world to me. She responded back and said, " Don't apologize. Everything you went through made you who you are today." Don't apologize, I thought?! Was she insane? I was there. I remember how bad it was. But, no. She wasn't insane or even forgotten for a second how bad it was. That's just the kind of Mom she is. All she wants is for her family to be happy and healthy.
Mother's Day will never be the same for my Mom. How could it be? She has four children...but one is heaven. Missing Will is within each of us. We miss him without having to think about it. So, on days that are supposed to be happy celebrations, we are reminded even more of his absence. Holidays are now all bitter sweet. There is a void in everything we do. We are often waiting on everyone to show up before saying the blessing at family dinners, only to realize that everyone is there. This is also the first Mother's Day since my mom's mom passed away. So, I can only imagine how difficult today is for my Mom. However, you would never know it. She is simply amazing.
I am thankful that my Mom's faith in God has remained strong and steady over the years. Her strength is inspiring. She could have easily let my brother's death destroy her, which would have destroyed our family. But she didn't. She allowed it bring her even closer to God, which brought our family closer to God.
So, thank you, Mom. Thank you for being the most amazing woman I know...for being the most amazing mom to we could ever imagine. Thank you for all you have done and for all you do. There are things I realize every day that I have often taken for granted. Things you would never point out or ask for recognition or thanks for. Thank you interceding on mine and my siblings behalf daily, since before we were even born. Thank you for caring about us more than we have often cared about ourselves. I know that you bear the burden of not only your pain, but everyone in your family. We could all thank you everyday for the rest of our lives and you would still be under thanked. But I know that you don't look for anything in return for all you do. And that my sweet Mother, is one of the many things that makes me amazed by you.